Challenge Accepted: Why Starting Is the Hardest Part

Most New Year goals die at the same place: the first step. In this episode of The Unhinged Father Podcast, Robbie breaks down why starting is so hard for dads—and how to finally get moving on your fitness, faith, family, and business goals this year. 
Inspired by his church’s “Challenge Accepted” series, Robbie talks about getting stuck in “comfortable discontentment,” phone scrolling instead of pursuing your calling, and kicking the can down the road with “I’ll start tomorrow.” He shares both new school tools (realistic goals, tiny atomic‑style habits, lowering the point of entry, giving yourself grace) and old school toughness (grit, ownership, and a “put your big boy pants on and go” mentality) to help you finally get over that first hump. 
In this episode, you’ll hear:

• Why the point of entry is the real killer of New Year resolutions and dad goals
• How dads end up living the same year on repeat in a “comfortable rut”
• Practical habit tips to make starting easier and more sustainable
• The role of self‑compassion vs coddling yourself after a setback
• How old school grit and “fuck it, let’s go” energy still has a place in 2026

If you’re a millennial dad or husband tired of procrastinating on weight loss, business ideas, spiritual growth, or being more present with your family, this episode is your sign: challenge accepted.

Transcript

Robert (00:00)
It seems like every new year, we start the year off with new hopes, dreams, desires, goals, and resolutions to thrust ourselves into the lives that we desire. But for many of us, it seems like every year ends up similar to the one before, stuck in the same ruts, living in the same comfortable discontentment.

My name is Robbie. This is the Unhinged Father podcast. And I wanted to start this year off with a message that I feel like is going to resonate with a lot of people. For myself in particular, I want this year to be different than the years prior when it comes to making changes, when it comes to living the life that I truly desire and that I want.

I obviously don't have control over what you do what other people do but I think that just hearing some of the struggles that I have and listening to some of the things that I plan on doing and just some ideas thoughts brainstorming may be helpful for for you as well.

Part of the reason why this message came up is at my church. We are starting a new series called Challenge Accepted. We haven't really jumped into it yet, but I've just had things going through mine on this this idea. This concept of challenge accepted of that there's going to be challenges. There's going to be things that come to us in our lives and we have to be ready to accept those challenges in order to to truly live the life you know in the church. The life that God has for us, but for anyone who's not religious living the life that you want

being the person that you know that you can be.

And as I thought more about this, more about the idea of accepting challenges, New Year's resolutions, and making changes in your life to become that person that you desire, I thought more about how it doesn't ever seem like, especially for me, this could be different for other people, but it's never the work or the things that I have to do once I'm actually in the process of getting into that habit. It's always the start.

It's always a start that's the hardest thing, the thing that prevents me from making different business ventures or from ⁓ eating healthy or from...

I don't know, exercising more or doing this podcast, being consistent with this podcast, anything that it is that I plan on doing. A lot of times it's that start that start seems so daunting and it takes so much energy to get over that little hump. But what I don't realize, or at least in the moment, what I don't realize or I can't get past this need for just instant gratification is the fact that once I get over this little hump.

It starts to get a little bit easier. There's a downhill after that. Now that's not to say that there's no uphills or back and forth while you're actually doing whatever it is that you're trying to achieve.

But a lot of times it's that first hump to get over that is the biggest hurdle for everyone. And you're not going to make any progress whatsoever if you don't actually start. Now that being said, when you start going along, there will be times where you have lulls. Maybe you have to get over that hump again. There's going to be ups and downs along the way. But for me, and for many people, I truly believe this, is that that starting point is the ultimate hurdle.

It's the ultimate thing to get over. And it is so difficult to get over. I'll just use some examples from myself.

For me, I've been wanting to get up early again and get back into doing this podcast, doing exercise in the morning, reading, things like that. And there will be little things that pop up throughout the night. Our dog woke up, our kids woke up. I woke up a little too early. I slept a little past what my alarm was. I don't have the time anymore. I don't have the time to do everything that I was planning on doing.

So I'm just going to get up. still up. I'm not doing what I want to do. I'm just going to go ahead and scroll on my phone, listen to a podcast, do something else that's a low return on investment activity, but is like an instant gratification dopamine hit. And I find myself falling into these patterns where I spend 20, 30, 40 minutes on these low value activities that

keep me from being the person that I want to be, from doing the things ultimately that I'd like to do, from doing this podcast, from getting a little bit of exercise in in the morning, or from reading a book again.

This is just the example of in the morning, obviously, these things can be throughout the day, but it makes my day start off in kind of a negative mindset. Like I wasn't able to do that. And I keep on pushing it off to the next day, to the next day. And one of the things that I'm learning as a dad and just getting older, 38 years old now, is that time goes way faster when you get older. And I know that it's all relative, ⁓ but yeah, time is just.

is flying by in days turned into weeks turn into months turn into years and you're still stuck in the same rut in what I said in the beginning this this comfortable rut of

the familiar of this is this is where I'm comfortable this is where I'm at whether that be staying in the same job whether that be losing weight whether that be reading or exercising or any of the things that you would like to do with your life it's easier

to do what you're familiar with. It's easier to stay in that rut, even if it's not better for you, even if if long term, you'll feel much better doing the other things. And the funny thing is, is that once you get past that and you make that more of a habit, then that's going to become the easier thing to do. It's going to feel bad to not do those types of things. You're going to create these new, better habits. But that first step.

that first step is the hardest or as my girl Cheryl Crow said the first cut is the deepest I think that's the the song that I think I'm referencing that right but anyways that's just it's a mindset shift too because in all reality the the energy that you need to get over that is really not much more typically than the energy that

it would take to do what you're doing, like the nothing part. For me, sitting on the couch scrolling, that actually drains energy from me. It makes me feel worse. So it's a mindset shift. It's something that's difficult. But I think that for me personally, it's something that during this year, I'm not a point in my life anymore where I can really wait.

I can't keep on saying I'll do it next year. I'll do it tomorrow like the time is now. The challenges need to be accepted now because I'm not getting any younger. My kids aren't getting any younger and even though I love my life and I love my family, there are certain things that I want to do certain aspirations that I have things that I would like to have in my life that I think would be helpful to me to my family to make me. More content.

more able to be present and just a better overall person. And so I'm going to work towards those this year. And I am accepting that challenge of taking on these these tasks of getting over that initial hump and making those changes in my life.

So that's the first part of what I need to do. It's that mental hurdle of getting over the fact that I need to start stuff. And some of the other things that have come to mind for me, specifically to this type of changes, making these changes, keeping resolutions, starting business ventures, exercising, reading, all of that stuff. With everything in my life, I've got a very

unique blend of an old school mentality and a new school mentality, right? I like to utilize the newer.

Ideologies that have come around the new tricks some of the psychology because I do think that they're beneficial But I also hold on to some of that grit and determination that comes from more of like an old school ideology or mentality so I wanted ⁓ to talk a little bit about some of the things that I'm going to be utilizing this year in in that new school type

of ideology, the New School thought process,

and for me in the past and what I've seen success with some of the most.

successful tips or techniques or I don't know hacks that I have seen have been well the first one is is making sure that your goals and your aspirations and stuff make sure that they're they're realistic right if you're like I want to make a million dollars by

February right and you currently make $20,000 a year and you don't have any other plan for that like that's obviously not a realistic goal you're gonna fail most likely and You're just gonna be disappointed and you'll continue to go down this where there's no reason of even trying I'm not gonna get there So I think that the goals one of the things is goal setting making sure that you are setting realistic expectations for yourself and what you want to achieve what you want to accomplish and that can be for weight loss exercise

any of those things, setting yourself up to be able to succeed, not to give yourself the smallest goal possible that you just achieve it in a day, but to be realistic, to make sure that it is difficult but realistic to achieve that goal. I think that that is one thing that is absolutely essential when you are going through and making these types of changes. The other thing is starting off small and creating habits, right? We've all...

Not all of us, but a lot of people have read the book Atomic Habits and I do believe that just getting going and starting, even if you're not doing exactly what you'd like to do.

taking the first step, making it easy, making it attainable to be able to do right. His example was like going to the gym, even if I don't go and work out, like I wake up and I put my shoes on. And then even if I decided to go back to bed, I took one step and then the next day I got up and I put my shoes on and then I drove to the gym. And even if I don't go in and exercise, I'm at least working, progressing to that and making yourself comfortable in these different habits. you know, eventually

You get up, you put your shoes on, you go to the gym, you're already there, you're like, fuck it, I might as well just go work out. I might as well go get some exercise in. So I think that that is also a very useful tip or trick or whatever it may be that I'm going to try and utilize this year in achieving the goals and the resolutions and everything else that I've set out for myself.

And really one of the only other there's not a ton of the new school stuff that I really think too much about in terms of like bullet points. I do think that those two ones are important. And then the last one that I'll speak about right now is just being kind to yourself and having some grace with yourself as well. I know that for me, I'm

my own biggest critic. don't think there's anyone else out there who can criticize me more than I criticize myself on the inside. I'm constantly, you know, talking and I'm working on it, but I'm constantly having these conversations with myself. Like you're not good enough. You're not doing enough. You need to do more. And those conversations, although sometimes can, motivate certain people to get up, you know, the people like me who just love to live in pain and

That's the, I don't know, the state of Massachusetts in me that just wants this punishment. But for a lot of people, hearing that stuff will, it'll be a huge detriment and derail any progress that you potentially could be making towards your goals. And you need to be kind with yourself. If you...

If you fall off the wagon, I'm going to use weight loss as an example, but this can go towards anything that you were trying to do. But in weight loss, it's understandable that someone's working towards it. They're doing a good job. They're potentially losing some weight. They're eating healthy. And then all of a sudden Christmas rolls around and they decide that they want to eat the entire fucking turkey dinner and two pans of fudge and a couple of donuts, whatever it is. It's very easy

to come down on yourself and to say, I'm a terrible person, these actions have made me a bad person, what I'm doing is bad, and I've ruined all of my progress that I've currently made. I might as well just go back to that comfort. Because not only is doing something new,

in trying to make changes difficult because of the mere fact that you're changing. But it's also you knew that you were comfortable, quote unquote comfortable in your old life, in your old habits, in whatever you were doing before. And this hurts. When you fail, it hurts. It sucks. feel, sometimes you'll feel shame, guilt. You feel like a failure. A lot of those feelings will just push you back.

into old habits because not only do you you know is it hard to make these changes but you just feel like well I failed anyway and now on top of the fact that I failed I feel terrible about myself why would I even try to do this if it's going to make me feel bad in multiple ways I'm going to go back to what I was doing before so I think it's just important to have a little bit of grace with yourself realize that we're going to like I said there's ups and downs you're going to

get on the bus, fall off the bus for a little bit. For me in particular, it's very difficult to not have an all or nothing mentality. And so I will think like, well, I already fucked this day up by having a big breakfast. I'm just gonna eat like shit for the rest of the day and then I'll do better tomorrow. That is the killer of.

almost everything that I've tried to do in my life. All of the things that I want to accomplish, the killer is I'll do it tomorrow. Or I've already screwed this up, I'll push it down the road, kicking it down the road. I can't do that anymore. And for you, anyone who is trying to make changes or trying to have a different new year or whatever it is that you're trying to attain, if you push it to the next day, guess what? It's going to get pushed to the day after that.

the can is gonna continue to get kicked down the road until one day.

You're 38 and you haven't accomplished a lot of the things that you were looking forward to. And that doesn't mean that you're having a bad life. That doesn't mean that you're a terrible person. That doesn't mean that you haven't lived a life worth living. It means that if you want to have those things in your life, you need to go out and get them. You need to accept the challenge and you need to accept it today because pushing it down the road, kicking it till tomorrow, it's not going to cut it. It hasn't cut it in the past and it's not going to cut it now. And I know that from experience because I

someone who is a procrastinator, professional procrastinator, I kick stuff down the road, if I feel like I failed, I'm like I'll just pick it up tomorrow. Doesn't work, never will work for me. those are just a few of the, I don't know if these are like newer school, but just the some of the newer things that I've been kind of thinking about myself is you know making sure that you set realistic goals.

that you know what you're getting yourself into and that they are something that can be achieved. Making the steps easy, making it to where the point of entry is as low as possible as you possibly can. You want to make sure that that amount of energy to get over that hump, to get to this new habit or venture or whatever is...

a minimal amount of energy so that way you actually get into it and you get into that habit get into that pattern and the last thing is just being kind to yourself and not making yourself suffer twice because you are going to try you are going to fail but that doesn't mean that you've completely failed you you could potentially fail the battle but not fail the war and if you come down on yourself and you're a dick to yourself it's just going to make it that much harder to win the bat or win the war when you lose a battle

Now that all being said, in terms of some of this, these things you can do and being kind to yourself and all of that stuff is, at the end of the day, in my opinion, it comes down to you and your desire to want to get it done. And it doesn't matter what other people... ⁓

Say it doesn't, they're not gonna be able to drag you along or bring you to what your goal is. They're not gonna be able to, it doesn't matter how much other people try to help or impact you, if you don't make that change in your own head, that decision, and then stick to it, the changes are never gonna come. And it's up to you.

Sometimes you just have to put on your big boy or your big girl pants, suck it up, and then realize that I just have to do this. I have to go and do this. If I want any changes to come, if I want to achieve this life or this goal that I'm striving for, I'm gonna have to pick myself up, grit my teeth, and...

push through the hardships that I'm going through because there are going to be hardships. It's going to be it's going to be difficult. There's a reason why people fall back into the comfort of the the complacency the comfort of of that rut that they were living in prior to trying to make these changes. It's because trying to make changes trying to get out of a funk trying to start a new venture trying to do any of those things. It's very difficult. It's hard.

That's why a lot of people don't want to do it because it's a hard thing to do. And so that that old school side of me is just like sometimes you just got to say fuck it and go. And. I know that I just said that. I have this whole negative talk with myself and that part is bad, but some of the the. I don't know grit anger mentality can be beneficial.

Not when you aim it towards yourself, but when you aim it towards other things, when you aim it towards obstacles, like you have an obstacle that pops up. And instead of saying, I'm a bad person, I'm a shithead, you go like, no, fuck that. I'm gonna beat this. I'm gonna beat that thing. I'm gonna take on this thing. And it's gonna be hard. It's gonna suck. But at the end of the day, I'm better than that is. And I'm gonna overcome it. And so I think that that's like that old school grit.

I don't know, fuck it mentality that a lot of people are missing nowadays because everyone's so, you know, looking for validation, looking for, that's tough, that's hard and all that stuff. And sometimes that can be good, right? You want someone who's gonna be your safe space. And I'm not saying to come down on yourself, but.

Also, you can't always be couched in validation and good feelings. Then that's how you get in these ruts in the first place, comfort and comfortability and just being content with those types of things get you into these ruts that you don't want to be in. And so I'm not going to validate.

Let me stop there. I will validate that it's difficult. someone is, if I were helping someone along reaching their goals and they're like, ⁓ this is so hard. I would be like, yeah, you're fucking right. It's hard. It is difficult to lose weight when you let yourself get up to 320 pounds. Like I did. It is difficult to tie my shoes or to put my belt on or to fucking keep up with my kids because I allowed myself to get to a certain point.

I will validate and hold on to and empathize with people like, yes, this is difficult. You're in a difficult situation and I empathize, I hear you, and I'm sorry that you're going through that. But I'm not going to validate that they shouldn't still do it. I'm not going to coddle them or be like,

You know, all that's right. This is really difficult. You should just go sit down, go have a Snickers. And I know I come back to the weight loss thing, but that's like a big portion of what I've kind of let myself go over the last decade or so, right? Letting myself go not being ⁓ exercising and in really letting my eating habits go to absolute shit. So I'm not going to.

to coddle that person. I'm not going to allow them to just sit there and self wallow. I mean, at end of the day, can't stop again. Like I said, I can't stop them. We can't stop other people from doing what they want to do. They have to make that change. But I do think that sometimes we hinder people by validating so much and essentially coddling them back into, ⁓ OK, this was hard. Go back.

Eat your ice cream Sunday. We'll start off again tomorrow because this was so hard. We can't do that for other people and I don't want people to do that to me either. I don't want people to coddle me back into it. It's actually one of the things that I absolutely despise if I feel like people are having like pity on me or treating me differently because of something so that was just another.

That was more of a rant on like the old school aspects that I think are still beneficial because at the end of the day, no matter how much we want to validate and coddle and stuff like that, like life still happens and shit still happens and it's up to us to make changes. No one else is going to pick it up for us. No one else is going to out there and make money for us. No one else is going to go out there and exercise or eat healthy for us. It's going to be us.

that make the change. And so you have to have that grit and that determination. And then, like I said, just like the fuck it attitude to go and achieve what you want to achieve.

So yeah, that's what I wanted to talk about ⁓ today. This is something that, like I said, is top of mind for me with the whole challenge accepted at church. And I think one of the challenges I want to accept is I want to do this podcast more regularly. I enjoy doing the podcast.

I think that it's there's certain things that I can improve upon with the podcast and I'm going to have that that mentality of effort. It may be hard, maybe difficult. We've got a third baby on the way. I'm already busy as shit, but I need to make time like today. I was coming back from the gym and I'm like, ⁓ just sit around and wait and go pick up my son. Nope, I'm going to come back and I'm going to get an episode even if it's

as good as I wanted it to be or I'm not fully prepared for it. Those are just excuses that would have got me to not put something out. And so today I sat down, did it, who knows if it's gonna be good or not. That's for you guys to decide. those are the things that I wanted to focus on today. That's what this year is gonna be about. It's gonna be accepting the challenges that I want.

to make me a better person, to achieve the life that I am looking to live. future episodes will go into those more individually, but today was just like an overview of, felt like with the new year, with resolutions, this was what I needed to talk about.

and hopefully what some of you needed to hear as well. So if you're on this same path with me, if you have things that you want to achieve that you've had on your docket for years and you just have never gotten to, and now you're getting older and more tired and less able to make changes, then follow along. Listen. Maybe we'll talk about things that can be helpful to you as well. So before we go.

If you are on that path and there's something that you want to change, I'd love to hear from you. You can DM me or send a message to the show or email me, whatever is the best way for you. And let me know, what is it that you were looking to change this year? Is it a resolution? Is it losing weight? Did you want to start a new business? Did you want to have kids? What is it that you're looking to do this year? I really want to know. And maybe it's something that I can talk about and help you out in the future. ⁓

Other than that, if you like this episode, if you like the message, definitely give me a follow, subscribe. ⁓ And yeah, that's gonna do it for this week. I hope that you all have a fantastic start to the new year, and I'll see you in a week or so.