Balancing Parenting Styles: When Opposites Attract (and Clash)

Every parent has a different approach—some lean toward caution and protection, while others believe in letting kids explore, take risks, and learn from their mistakes. In this episode of The Unhinged Father, I dive into the real-life balancing act between my wife’s cautious parenting style and my more hands-off, let-them-figure-it-out approach.

After a day at the park watching our kids climb, fall, and push their limits, I realized just how important it is to have differing parenting styles in a household. While one parent sees danger, the other sees an opportunity for growth. But which approach is better? Spoiler alert: Neither—and that’s exactly the point.

We discuss:

✅ The importance of balance between risk-taking and safety

✅ How differing perspectives create a well-rounded childhood

✅ The biggest struggles parents face when they don’t see eye to eye

✅ Why consistency in parenting (even with different approaches) is key for kids’ emotional regulation

This episode isn’t about proving one style is better—it’s about recognizing how different approaches complement each other to create stronger, more resilient kids. Tune in for some unfiltered parenting truths, real-life stories, and a few laughs along the way.

🎧 Listen now on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts!

💬 What’s your parenting style? Do you and your partner see eye to eye, or do you balance each other out? Drop a comment or DM me on [Instagram/Twitter handle]—let’s talk!

#ParentingStyles #Fatherhood #TheUnhingedFather #RaisingKids #ModernParenting #MillennialDad #RiskVsSafety

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction and Context
• 5:59 Different Parenting Approaches
• 9:38 The Value of Balanced Parenting
• 12:50 Avoiding Conflicting Information
• 15:40 Presenting a United Front
• 19:17 Final Thoughts on Parental Balance

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:34

All right, everyone, welcome to this week's episode. Hope you're having a fantastic day, good week, good year. So far, we are already firmly into March, this year's flying by. I am doing a terrible job of keeping up with my New Year's resolution, of planning stuff, prepping it out and making sure that I've got a very good, tangent, cohesive episode planned out for you all. But, like always, I have procrastinated. I've just been super busy with a lot of different shit that's been going on Kids, sports, work, all the shit that we deal with every day. I'm making excuses, but I think I've got a concept, a good concept, to talk about today, and it's one that actually came up because of a situation that happened at the park the other day. Me and my wife and my kids and I just kind of brought up this idea, this thought pattern, in my head and I wanted to explore that today. So let's go ahead and jump into the things I wanted to talk about today.

Speaker 1: 1:36

So this past weekend we were at the park after church with our kids and, as I've talked about before, I've got two little boys, one of them's five and a half. One of them just turned two and the two-year-old is a little maniac he doesn't have a ton of fear, just runs into stuff full blast. My favorite is that he'll just run to come and give me a hug and it's like his head like whiplashes back because he runs into me so hard to give me a hug and barrels into me. Super cute kid, very intense. He is very much so like his father and my five and a half year old a little bit more cautious, a little bit more analytical, likes to approach situations and kind of look at things before he just jumps headfirst in. Definitely a lot more like my wife. But on this particular day I'm really of the mindset.

Speaker 1: 2:23

When my youngest was not able to really walk very much and didn't know what he was doing, I would be around him consistently on the park, just walking behind him, making sure he didn't fall off of shit, hurt himself. But he's now at the age where I feel like he's able to go and do the things he needs to do. I still keep an eye on him. I'm not very far away, it's only I'm on opposite side of the park or on the opposite side of the church, just like go have fun at this park, but I stick back. I'm like 15, 20 feet away from him and he just cruises along. He goes, climbs up the stairs, climbs up to the slide, goes down the slide. There's really only one spot that I worry about with him where he could fall off and hurt himself.

Speaker 1: 3:03

But we've kind of gotten into this pattern and he started climbing up the stairs and going towards the slide, which I've seen him do before. I let him do that whenever it's just me and them at this little park and his mom sees him and she yells at me. She's like Robbie, go over there and make sure he doesn't go hurt himself. And I was like no, he's fine. I've seen him do this before and she, like, was kind of getting a little bit upset because he was up at the top of this slide, that's, you know, seven, eight feet in the air, and he was standing up. But he learned, he sat down on his tush, went down the slide and he was perfectly fine.

Speaker 1: 3:41

And similarly, my older son started doing and he's always one who asks for help or asks us to help him do things. So I was actually really proud of him because he had climbed himself up to the monkey bars and was starting to actually do them. He was swinging from each one and going hand hand and he made it about halfway. But my wife saw this too and she's like I don't want him to fall back and hit his head and hurt himself. And I'm like no, he's, he's okay. He knows how to fall down and land on his feet. I taught him how to do that when I help him, um, but I was just really proud of the fact that he had gone out and done that.

Speaker 1: 4:16

But the being a proud parent and seeing these things your kids growth that's not really what I wanted to talk about today. It was the difference between my way of looking at stuff and my wife's way of looking at stuff. And this episode is not to say that one way is right and one way is wrong, because literally three seconds after my youngest went down the slide and was perfectly fine, he tried to fucking climb up the opposite way, slipped, fell, hit his head and he was kind of whimpering a little bit. He didn't start crying, it wasn't too bad, but he just kind of slipped down, hit his face and slid down the slide. So obviously both of us were right. My son made it down the slide, but also we need to make sure we're close enough to ensure that they don't kill themselves, because that's what children are really good at. They're really good at finding dangerous ways to play and hurt themselves.

Speaker 1: 5:05

So I was more so just interested and introspective of the difference between parenting styles, because obviously no one is exactly the same. Even if you are on the same page ideologically or religiously or anything else like that with your spouse, you're not always going to think about things in the exact same manner. That's just impossible and I don't think that you'd want that. And I guess what I wanted to dive into today was just how it's actually such a good thing to have two separate ways of thinking about things and how it can be very difficult for parents, but it's so good for the child. That balancing act that we have to go through, that we have to struggle with as parents, is so key for children to be able to grow up in a balanced environment, look at things from different perspectives and really learn how to navigate life themselves, and it's really difficult for parents to do this.

Speaker 1: 6:05

I know that a lot of people like me and my wife are both very strong-willed and opinionated people and we're both relatively intelligent, part of the reason why my wife is so risk-averse and so careful about things is because she does her line of work. She sees some of these crazy ass stories. She sees the story of the kid that slipped back, hit his head and fucking had to go to the hospital. She sees a story of the kid that jumped off of the slide instead of trying to slide down on his butt. So she comes from a different perspective than I do, where I'm more so like let the kids be within a safe distance to make sure they don't do anything really stupid. But let the kids do what they're going to do. If they get a little hurt like it's OK, you go, you comfort them, you take care of them. Your job is really to make sure that they don't do anything fucking so stupid that it's going to cause real issues. But my wife is not wrong.

Speaker 1: 6:59

Like these things do happen and it is good to be cautious and to think about different things that could potentially happen. Like I said before, you don't want to wrap your kids completely in bubble tape and have them walk through life with no real risk of injury or adversity or anything like that. But it is good to have a parent who's looking out for things that other parents might not be looking out for, because you never know, there are certain things that I wouldn't think of, that could be real risks, real hazards that don't need to be, that still expose your kids to the hardships, to the adversities. But take away that real, serious element of danger so that way your kids aren't going to crack their skull open or get seriously injured or, you know, potentially not make it like. That kind of shit does happen, unfortunately, and it's really hard to think about.

Speaker 1: 7:47

But it is good that we have two differing opinions, two differing parenting styles, because that provides that balance for our kids where we're not both just wrapping them up in fucking, you know, like I said, bubble wrap and having them try to go through life protected from everything, not feeling any adversity, not feeling any pain, but also, at the same time, not having two parents who are just like, all right, go ahead, feral children, get the hell out of here, go, do what you want, I don't give a shit. If you get hurt, you get hurt. You know. Having both sides is better for the child and provides a more balanced environment for them, as opposed to having two parents who are just completely one way or the other, and that's where I wanted to go with this is that that balance is essential. It's almost like you've got to have a scale Thinking of, like your children, of the scale, like the fulcrum of the scale, and you know they're at the middle of that scale and you've got mom's opinions and thoughts and parenting style and you've got dad's opinions and thoughts and parenting styles and sometimes one's going to, depending on the situation or what's going on, one side is going to go down and the other side is going to go up. There's going to be more weight on with one parent's ideas as opposed to the other. But that's why it's a balancing act for the parents to try and find this place of equilibrium where they're in a good place and they're not fighting or yelling at each other but they're also providing their child with a safe, balanced environment where they can also experience some of the hardships and adversity that life is going to throw their way.

Speaker 1: 9:27

And the hardest part is not necessarily for the kids in this area. This is really more so about the parents being able to wrap their heads around that they're not always right, that other people think differently than them and that sometimes, even if they are right, they're going to lose out to the other spouse because they may have a stronger opinion on something than they do. And it really is a balancing act and, like I said, the kids are going to adapt to whatever the parents put in front of them. Kids are super adaptable. They're malleable. That's why our job as parents is to help them grow and to learn and to become good human beings.

Speaker 1: 10:04

It's mom and dad who are going to have the issues. They're the ones who are going to fight. They're the ones who are going to be like no, my Ray is better. They're the ones who are going to be like you're coddling him or like you're not being an attentive father or whatever the fuck that you're going to say to each other. You are the two that need to figure your shit out and get in a good spot, because, ultimately, what's going to cause disruption for your kids is not whether or not you let them go and do something on their own or whether or not you're hovering around them and trying to make sure that they don't hurt themselves.

Speaker 1: 10:37

What's going to have a negative impact on them is if you're yelling at each other, if you're fighting or you're giving conflicting information to your child. That's one area that can be really difficult is that mom says yes, dad says no. And kids are smart. They're a little manipulative assholes sometimes and they'll learn to play this off of each other. My five and a half year old he's already started to learn this. He'll be like, ask me something. I'll say something like I don't know, like not right now, and then he'll go and ask his mom and like what did your father say? And dad just said, oh, he just said not a couple minutes ago, or something like that, like he tries to find ways to manipulate the situation, which is smart of him in some aspects but also really infuriating. Anyways, besides them being able to try and play off of you guys, it's when you give conflicting information to children. It's going to be really dysregulating for them moving forward.

Speaker 1: 11:34

Right, if dad says, yes, you can jump on the couch, and mom says, no, you can't jump on the couch. When dad's around, I can jump on the couch. But then mom comes in and sees you jumping on the couch and you get in trouble and you're like I wasn't doing anything wrong, I was just doing what I thought that I was allowed to do. And then mom gets mad at you, you get yelled at. And then you've got this, just like this lingering thing in the back of your head, like you almost have to start playing a game because the rules aren't set consistently. It's like every situation you're trying to figure out can I do this, can I not do this? And it could be the exact same action just in a different circumstance or different situation, and you're like I don't know, and it could cause anxiety, dysregulation, emotional outbursts, things like that. All these things that kids have happened because they don't really know how to deal with this or handle these types of things. Yet they're still learning. That's what's going to cause those types of things. And so you might even be thinking to yourself like it would be a lot easier if just one parent was the one in charge of the child, or one parent was making the rules, setting everything, so that way there's no confusion. That way you don't have these issues pop up in the future, but that's not necessarily great for the child either. These issues pop up in the future, but that's not necessarily great for the child either.

Speaker 1: 12:51

Now, I'm not here to rag on single parents or single moms, single dads. That's not what I'm saying. I'm not saying that you aren't able to provide your child with a good life. What I'm looking at is like what's the ideal situation? And looking at it like if you are in a two-parent household, then how are you going to handle these situations? And one of the things that you do miss out if you only have one parent who is responsible for making the rules or for what you can do. What you can't do is that you're going to just fall in line with whatever they think. There is no conflicting ideology. There's no conflicting thoughts on whether or not you can have a dessert tonight, or whether or not eating a happy meal is okay, or whether or not jumping on the couch or making a wrestling ring out of pillows on the floor is acceptable.

Speaker 1: 13:37

If you only got one parent's opinion and they lean one way or the other, you're going to fall into this childhood where you're consistently either overly protected or overly regulated, or you're just going to be given all the freedom to do whatever you want, hurt yourself, do things that are not necessarily good, not learn the difference between right and wrong, like there's going to be a lot of different things that can come up for you. So I personally think that it's really a good thing to have two parents who provide balance to each other. They provide this balance of ideas and ideologies and thought processes and they implement those onto their kids. The hard part, like I've said before, is just getting those parents on the same page, making sure that they don't fight, making sure that if there is a difference of opinions, that they don't just sit there and one either have a blow fight in front of the kids and bitch and yell at each other and say mean and horrible things, or two and almost worse, undermine the other parent's authority by like saying, oh, you could do this when mom's not here, or you could do this when dad's not here, or you can't do this when mom's here. Like whatever, it is Undermining the other parent's authority, Whatever you do as a parent. So whatever you choose or whatever ends up being the right call is, you need to be on the same page with your spouse or your partner or whatever it is. Whoever you're co-parenting I don't give a shit what it is. If there's someone else that's providing this balance to your kids and has some sort of authority over them, you need to be on the same page.

Speaker 1: 15:09

And it reminds me of a story that me and my wife disagreed on a certain punishment and she didn't have the chance to talk to me about it. But she said that this punishment was gonna happen and she decided to move forward with that and I really didn't agree with the type of punishment that it was, but I stood by her, I let her do it and that punishment was implemented and at the end of it we had a conversation when the kids were gone and I told her I'm like, hey, I didn't, really that's not the punishment I would have chosen for that situation. And she even said like, yeah, I agree. And I'm like, but I was on board with you because we're a team and you couldn't like we had set that, that boundary, we weren't able to pull out of it and I wasn't going to sit there and fight you and bitch and moan to you about this in the moment because, number one, our kid wasn't in danger and any like harm of being severely. It wasn't anything crazy like that. Number two, I don't want our kids to think that we're not a united front and that they can go to one parent or the other or that we have different standards for them. So I think that that was just a good example of me disagreeing with my wife in a situation with what she was proposing and instead of confronting her in the moment or taking action right there and undermining her authority, I went along with it.

Speaker 1: 16:34

I talked to her afterwards and we decided after the fact that that wasn't the right thing. She apologized to my son and said, like this wasn't the appropriate discipline for you at this time. Blah, blah, blah, whatever. It doesn't really matter that part. It's mostly just we're on the same page and obviously there's exceptions to all of these rules. If my wife was like, okay, you get 30 lashes for taking an ice cream out of the refrigerator, I would be like, no, we're not going to do that, unless it's something that's abusive, physically, emotionally, really going to cause long-term serious issues, then it's your job as a parent to also step in. But at the same time, try to have these conversations on the front end, try to figure these things out on the front end as much as you possibly can, understanding there are going to be times where you disagree and where you haven't talked about it in certain situations and one of the partners may go in a route that's not the right way and maybe they did it without having that conversation with you, but it's important to present this united front to your kids, provide them with stability, balance and all the other things that can come from having two well-adjusted, emotionally intelligent, stable parents in their life. Right, that would be.

Speaker 1: 17:47

The ultimate goal is to have two parents who are able to provide a balance, a difference of ideas, a difference of opinions, a difference of you know, even sometimes rules. Right, there's a lot of things that having two people is good for, even though it's hard, even though it's really hard. There's some of us who did school projects together and you fucking hated it, because you were either you either hate it or you love it. You were either the one who just like sat back and did do a damn thing and like got the grade that everyone else got, or you were the overachiever who took everything on, did it all by yourself and was pissed off at the other people for not picking up their weight, even if you didn't let them do anything else. Like you're, like, I am getting an A, no matter what. That could happen in parenting as well, and either way, I think that it's important to have that free flow of information, having two parents having the discussions and then providing this environment for their kids. So that's really.

Speaker 1: 18:46

All I wanted to talk about today was just this idea of how, ideally, if you're able to providing balance to your kids by having two parents who have different ideas is really good for them, and that they will adjust to whatever rules, regulations, boundaries or lack thereof that you set forward to them if they're getting conflicting information or if you and your spouse are in a constant state of conflict because you can't get on the same page with raising your kids and your differing ideas. But yeah, that's pretty much everything that I wanted to talk about. So I hope that you enjoyed this episode of Tough and I'm gonna continue to try and see if I can get ahead of stuff and get some of these episodes a little bit more linear and thought out. But uh, until then, I'm just going to keep continuing to get on here and talk about the things that I think are important.

Speaker 1: 19:47

If you have any opinions or if you would like to hear about anything in particular, like I say, like I say after every episode, click that little button at the in the information of the podcast. It says send a message to the podcast or send a message about this show. Click that. Send me a message, let me know your thoughts. Do you agree? Do you disagree? Do you hate everything I'm talking about? Um, but yeah, I appreciate your time. I hope that everyone has a fantastic rest of the day. Have a good rest of the week and I'll see y'all next.