The Unhinged Father
Welcome to The Unhinged Father (TUF), a podcast that brings a relatable and unapologetic look at the challenges of modern fatherhood and life as a millennial dad. Each week, we dive into the ups and downs of parenting, personal growth, and navigating a world that sometimes feels like it’s lost its way. This is a space for young dads, parents, and anyone on a path of self-improvement who wants to hear real talk about life’s struggles, triumphs, and everything in between.
As your host, I’m on this journey alongside you. Sharing ideas, life tips, humor, and even some unfiltered takes, we’ll confront societal expectations, challenge common beliefs, and tackle issues affecting everyday families and young men. Here, it’s okay not to have everything figured out—whether you’re a step ahead or behind, we’re all in this together.
Tune in for honest, irreverent conversations on personal development, fatherhood, parenting, mental resilience, and staying grounded in a world of extremes. Expect episodes filled with humor, empathy, practical wisdom, and a sense of community for anyone striving to be a better version of themselves.
TUF is where personal growth, dad life, and real-world challenges intersect. Join the conversation, embrace the journey, and let’s navigate the unhinged side of fatherhood and modern life together.
The Unhinged Father
Breaking the Cycle: Overcoming Self-Sabotage and Becoming a Better Man
Ever felt like you’re stuck on autopilot, coasting through life without making real progress? In this raw and unfiltered episode of The Unhinged Father, I open up about the tough years in my 20s—struggling with bad habits, unchecked mental health, and the toll it took on my marriage and personal growth. From drinking too much and avoiding responsibilities to learning how to take ownership of my life, I share my journey of self-improvement and the hard lessons learned along the way.
If you’re a dad, husband, or anyone trying to figure it all out, this episode is for you. We talk about:
✔️ Breaking bad habits and unhealthy cycles
✔️ The importance of self-awareness and accountability
✔️ Learning to ask for help and embrace vulnerability
✔️ How to get back on track when you slip into old patterns
This is for anyone out there struggling with balance, self-doubt, and the pressure to be everything for everyone. You’re not alone—and it’s never too late to make a change.
🎧 Tune in now and let’s figure this out together.
#Fatherhood #MensMentalHealth #SelfImprovement #BreakingBadHabits #TheUnhingedFather #PersonalGrowth
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https://linktr.ee/unhingedfather
All right, everyone, welcome to the show today. Hope you all have a fantastic week, hope that the year's off to a good start. Blah, blah, blah All the other shit that I usually say in the beginning of the show. I've got not anything really planned for today. It has been a crazy couple of weeks. We've had a lot going on. We always have a lot going on. I just had this conversation with my wife. Literally since we've had our first child, it just seems like there's more and more that's going to be continually added onto our plate and that we feel like we're never going to catch up. So, that being said, I need to make time to plan out the podcast, but I've got some stuff that's on my mind. I'm just going to spitball this one pretty much completely and hope that it goes well. So, that being said, let's go ahead and jump into this week's episode of tough Now for all you people out there on the interwebs and listening to this podcast and taking my advice and probably not taking my advice listening to this and just like what the fuck is this guy saying?
Speaker 1:I wasn't always this handsome, demure, sophisticated, amazingly, ruggedly handsome gentleman that you see in front of you today. There was a time in my life where I'm not necessarily super proud of it, but when I first became a husband, when I got out of college, I went through some really, really tough times. I thought that I could continue to drink the way that I did in college. I thought that I could continue to eat the way that I did out of college. I thought that there was nothing that could hurt me, that I was invincible, that I could just put up these walls and these shields and whatever else it is, build all this stuff around me and try to make myself into this impenetrable fortress. And as I grew older, I realized that that didn't do anything. I thought I didn't need to go to therapy. I thought I didn't need to talk about my emotions. I thought there was pretty much, that I could handle anything that was thrown my way, and I was wrong, dead wrong. I definitely needed a lot of help. I needed to acknowledge my feelings that were going on, that there were things inside of me that were broken, that needed healing, that needed to be expressed as opposed to repressed and pushed down deep within my gut. And a lot of that repression and a lot of that holding things in contributed to me eating more like shit, me not going to the gym, me being a lazy piece of shit around the house and not doing my fair share, not trying to better myself, of just staying in the same spot within my career and not necessarily trying to reach out and make strides in any area really within my life.
Speaker 1:I was just kind of on cruise control, going through life, doing whatever the hell came up, drinking too much, eating too much, not paying attention to my mental health, not paying attention to my physical health, and this was me for a couple of years. This was par for the course and unfortunately, my wife was the one who had to put up with the brunt of that. We were relatively young. When we got married, I was 24 years old. We were relatively young. When we got married, I was 24 years old, and so, from the ages of 24 to probably 28, 29, I was not the person that I wanted to be, not the person that I could be, and I'm still not fully there.
Speaker 1:I'm constantly working on myself and trying to really become the person that I know that God made me to be here on this earth, that the person that I know that I can be, that my kids deserve that. My wife deserves person that I know that God made me to be here on this earth, that the person that I know that I can be, that my kids deserve that my wife deserves shit that I deserve, and I'm constantly working on that. Now I'm trying to be mindful, reflective and actually pay attention to the shit that matters in my life to make me a better person. But back then I really didn't even think about it at all and I guess on this episode it's not just a shit. On Robbie episode, I was a terrible person, although when me and my wife have done therapy a lot of times, that's what comes up for me is that I'm ashamed of the person that I used to be and I never want to go back to that.
Speaker 1:There are certain aspects of that that still pop up in my life. There's certain attributes and certain characteristics that are going to be there forever, that I'm just always going to struggle with and that I have to acknowledge, work with and try and move past. But I never want to go back to that piece of shit that I feel like I was, and when I say piece of shit, I'm not like. Not like what you would see on like the news or someone who's abusive or anything like that. I'm not, wasn't not like what you would see on like the news or someone who's abusive or anything like that. I'm not. It wasn't that bad, but I was like your stereotypical, just I don't know what. An old person would call it a bump on a lump, someone who was unmotivated, someone who was depressed, someone who was anxious.
Speaker 1:There were so many things that I was going through and I just kind of stuck my head in the sand, didn't pay attention to it and, like I said, the people that were closest to me suffer the consequences for that, and I guess I'm just sharing this with all of you right now as a way to continue to get it off my chest. Like, I've gone through this before in therapy with counselors. I've talked about it with my wife. This is nothing that's new in my family, but I think that I learned the lesson later than I wanted to, but I'm glad that I did eventually learn the lessons that I had to learn to become more so like the person that I am now. Uh, and I'm hoping that by sharing this with you, that if you are in that spot, or if you've been in that spot or you're going to go through that spot in your life that you can, you know, kind of see where I was at, what happened to me, like what I was going through, and just take some of this advice from someone who's been there.
Speaker 1:I'm not sitting here telling you I'm greater than now. I'm definitely not greater than now. If you've listened to this podcast, you know I'm not sitting here telling you I'm greater than now. I'm definitely not greater than now. If you've listened to this podcast, you know I am not greater than now. I like to judge, I like to make my comments, I have an opinion on fucking everything, but I am not greater than now. I have been through the muck and I still trudge through it every single day, trying to be a better person, trying to be a better father, trying to be a better husband and hopefully, if you're listening to this, you're on that side of the coin.
Speaker 1:That choice is really the turning point for you. You're going to fall back into bad habits. You're going to have times where you're stressed, where you're anxious, and it's just easier for us to fall back into predefined habits, into these trenches that we've already created, into. You know the erosion that we have these worn paths. We're going to walk down those. It's easy when we're in a place of adversity to fall back into those, and that's okay. You give yourself the grace, you reflect, you be mindful about it and then you try and pull yourself out of it and when you fall into those ruts, you just want to make that time there the least amount that you could possibly make it right. It's like I'm going to fall, I'm going to go back into these habits, but let's try and make it to where I spend the least amount of time there. I recognize that I'm in this rut. I'm in this habit. Let me pull myself back out or reach out for the help that I need to get out of it. But yeah, I'm still there and hopefully, like I said, if you are there, make the decision to recognize when you are falling into old habits or when things aren't going the way that you want them to, if you're putting pressure on yourself or if you're depressed, or if you're anxious or anything that you're going through emotionally or physically or whatever it may be.
Speaker 1:This could manifest in so many different ways for every single person out there. It's not just what I went through. For me. It was eating my feelings depression, inactivity and laziness phone playing, video games, whatever. It was not pulling my own weight around the house, not helping with cooking, not helping with the cleaning. I was essentially like a fucking spoiled little frat boy who was depressed, living the life with my wife, who was going to law school at the time and had to put up with a lot of bullshit from me. It's a good thing that I'm so fucking good looking, because I don't know if my wife would have stayed with me if I wasn't just this ruggedly handsome, amazingly good looking man. But yeah, I just wanted to kind of acknowledge where I've been and where I'm going now.
Speaker 1:Like I said, I fall into some of these patterns. I'm not at the ultimate goal and I never will be at the ultimate goal. I had this ideal of the person that I want to be, of the father I want to be and the husband and the leader and the community member. There's these things that I want to be, the person that I want to be, the person I want to portray, and I used to think that it was. I needed to change myself, I needed to become a different person, and I've come to realize that I don't want to change who I am.
Speaker 1:I like who I am. I like being abrasive, I like being a go-getter, I like getting shit done. I like the person that I am. There's just aspects of that that I have negative tendencies, so I almost envision it of like a. I have these different characteristics. I have my personality, my character, and there are certain dials on it, right, and you have the ideal place that you need to be dialed in with that characteristic or that trait in order to be the best you can be. And so for me, it's trying to not change who I am, but just to make that version of me the healthiest and the best that it could possibly be.
Speaker 1:The best version of me is someone who's dialed in, who's acknowledged things, who's accepted weaknesses, acknowledges strengths, knows where I need to be in order to be that version of myself that I know that I can be. So if you're a class clown or you're abrasive, or you are straightforward, or you're an introvert or you're quiet or you can kind of be reclusive, I'm not saying to go out there and completely change who you are, but to just acknowledge where you're at within that spectrum and try to figure out what it is what you need in order to be the best version of yourself, one that is capable of doing what you're capable of doing, because we're all capable of doing great, great stuff, great. Every person has strengths that can do amazing things and everything. We need everyone to be different. I don't want everyone to be some type A go-getter, perfectionist type person. We need all of the different personalities, all the different characteristic traits out there to make society the best that it can be. But we also need you to be in a healthy space and, for me, one of the ways that I continue to move forward is by acknowledging the past, not dwelling in it.
Speaker 1:There were definitely times where I would sit and dwell in the person. That I continue to move forward is by acknowledging the past, not dwelling in it. There were definitely times where I would sit and dwell in the person that I used to be, feel sorry for myself and, you know, feel bad about it and feel sorry for the people that had to deal with me and almost like embarrassed and, yeah, I'm still embarrassed of the way that I was, but it's like I dipped my toes into it, as opposed to completely immersing myself in that wallow and feeling bad and all that stuff Like that's not going to do anything that's going to help me move forward. So I dip my toes in it. Remember what it feels like to be what I call that piece of shit and try and move forward. Try to be better.
Speaker 1:I've got much more pushing me forward now than I did back then. Back then it was just me and my wife, and I loved my wife. I would do anything for her. But the stakes are so much higher now that I'm a dad. I've got two little boys that look up to me, that want to do what their dad does, and I will be damned if I let those kids down. I'll be damned if I let my wife down. I'll be damned if I let myself down.
Speaker 1:I should be the best version of myself and, like I said, I'm not. It's not that old school, toxic fucking. You know, just push through everything that you can. It's a balancing act. It's a balancing act of acknowledging when you need to be vulnerable, of acknowledging when you need help, when you need to reach out, when you need to be honest about what your weaknesses are.
Speaker 1:That's probably the biggest thing I struggle with right now is the fact that I don't know how to be weak. I don't know how to ask for help. I don't know how to tell my wife I can't do something. I don't know how to tell my kids I can't do something. It's just like I will figure out a way to get this done and then I inevitably will drop the ball somewhere because I can't do everything. I'm not Superman, I'm not Thor, I'm not any of these superheroes that I would like to be. I can't do everything.
Speaker 1:And so when I fail, it's almost like it hurts more to the people that I care about because they were relying on me. And if I would have just been honest and said I can't do this or this isn't possible, I don't have the time, I don't have the capability, and was just honest and upfront with them, showed them that vulnerability, then they wouldn't have relied on me. And, yeah, they might've been disappointed because they didn't get something. But that disappointment is so much better than the disappointment and hurt that comes from when you're told something, you rely on it. Like I tell my kids that I will do X, y or Z. They rely on me to do that and then I fail. If I would have just told them I couldn't have done that they would have been disappointed because they weren't getting X, y, z, but they wouldn't have had the disappointment or the hurt that their dad let them down. So that's something that I struggle with now.
Speaker 1:I struggled with it in the past and that's probably one of the biggest obstacles I have in my own life is acknowledging when I can't do something, not taking on every single task that's given to me and trying to just slow down and allow other people to help me or allow other things to help me. I've gotten a little bit better at it, but I'm still pretty shitty below average at acknowledging when I can't do something, when I'm acknowledged that I'm incapable or I have a weakness in an area. So that's something I'm working on. I don't know what you may be working on. There's probably aspects in your life that are similar, yeah, and this one's going to be just I feel like again, very roundabout, talking about whatever comes to mind. I don't know if I'm going in like a straight line here with these ideas that are popping up, but these are just things that are always at the top of my mind Because, like I said, I was, I am, I am still ashamed of the person that I was Not my character, not my personality, not who I was, but the way that I was showing up and the way that I presented myself and the way that I let certain things take over my life and how I wasn't as accountable to my wife, and even early on in being a father, there were aspects of me that were like a victim mentality or like woe is me or I'm doing so much.
Speaker 1:It's almost like a martyr mentality that I can get into as well. When I have these thoughts of like I can do everything If I don't ask for help and I can't do everything, I almost get resentful. When people hold me accountable and I'm like, well, I'm trying to do everything, like what the fuck do you want from me? I can't do it all, not realizing that I'm the one saying I can do it all. And when they rely on me, yeah, of course they're going to get pissed off because I've just told them that I can do all of these things. They rely on me. And then I fail to live up to whatever I said that I would be able to do, and then I become this martyr. I act like this martyr, like, oh, I'm doing everything. Why are you just give me a break here, and that probably doesn't feel good to the people that rely on me. These are some of the things that I'm working on and that I'm acknowledging in trying to move forward and be a better husband and to be a better father.
Speaker 1:I don't know if these resonate with any of you. Like I said, this is more so maybe just an episode of me talking about the shit I'm working on and things that I struggle with and the things that I've struggled with in the past, hoping that if you also struggle with them or you also have these issues in your life, that you don't feel alone and that you don't get so down on yourself that you spiral, because that happens to me sometimes. I'll like fall into an old habit or do something from the past and I'll start to feel guilty about it and that guilt will just grow and grow and I'll start to spiral and spiral and before I even know it, I'm back into the mindset that I was where I didn't like who I was, that I was where I didn't like who I was, and hopefully you can listen to this and give yourself some of that grace. But, like with everything with me, there's a middle ground. There's two things can be true at the same time. You can have this grace acknowledge that you're not perfect and that you're gonna fuck up, but at the same time, try as hard as you can to be the best that you can to move forward, to get into a healthy spot. Both of those things can be true at the same time, and I think that's what a lot of us struggle with is, you know, you're either toxically positive or you're toxically negative, as opposed to just being where the realists are in the middle, like, yeah, I fucked up and I'm sorry, I acknowledge that and I feel some of this guilt going towards that, but at the same time, I'm not going to let that drag me down and stop me from trying to be the best person that I can be. I'm not going to let that take over. So I'm just going to go ahead and say that that's probably an episode right there.
Speaker 1:Like I said, I had did not get a chance to prep like at all this week. I had some ideas written down or I just decided fuck it, I don't want to do any of those. Let's talk about some of the things that I've struggled with where I've been. Maybe give you a little bit more of an insight into who I am and what I'm trying to do, which I don't know. What the hell I'm trying to do, just talking into my computer, hoping that if you're like me or you are, I don't know, not even if you're not like me, if you've struggled with anything that I've struggled with, or if you're struggling with things I'm currently struggling with, or it doesn't matter, you relate to anything that hearing someone else go through it or hearing what someone else's perspective is on it helps you move in the right direction, because I don't want this to be this podcast.
Speaker 1:Tough is not about moving backwards and wallowing in self-pity or any of that bullshit. We all need a little tough love once in a while, but it's also not here to tear people down and say you're a piece of shit and try harder and you can do whatever you want. It's one that's from the middle. It's a balancing act, so that's going to do it for this week. I hope that you enjoy me tearing myself down and talking about how shitty I used to be and, obviously, how amazingly good looking, stunningly ruggedly handsome I am now. So I appreciate it. Have a good rest of the day. See you all next week.
