The Unhinged Father
Welcome to The Unhinged Father (TUF), a podcast that brings a relatable and unapologetic look at the challenges of modern fatherhood and life as a millennial dad. Each week, we dive into the ups and downs of parenting, personal growth, and navigating a world that sometimes feels like it’s lost its way. This is a space for young dads, parents, and anyone on a path of self-improvement who wants to hear real talk about life’s struggles, triumphs, and everything in between.
As your host, I’m on this journey alongside you. Sharing ideas, life tips, humor, and even some unfiltered takes, we’ll confront societal expectations, challenge common beliefs, and tackle issues affecting everyday families and young men. Here, it’s okay not to have everything figured out—whether you’re a step ahead or behind, we’re all in this together.
Tune in for honest, irreverent conversations on personal development, fatherhood, parenting, mental resilience, and staying grounded in a world of extremes. Expect episodes filled with humor, empathy, practical wisdom, and a sense of community for anyone striving to be a better version of themselves.
TUF is where personal growth, dad life, and real-world challenges intersect. Join the conversation, embrace the journey, and let’s navigate the unhinged side of fatherhood and modern life together.
The Unhinged Father
Why Your Kids Need to See You Love Your Spouse
In this episode of The Unhinged Father, we dive into the importance of showing love and affection in front of your kids. Inspired by a simple yet profound comment from my 5-year-old, I explore why kids feel safer and more secure when they see their parents genuinely like each other.
We break down:
✔️ How generational differences shape how we express love in front of our kids
✔️ The dangers of falling into a “business partnership” marriage mindset
✔️ Why emotional safety is just as important as physical protection
✔️ The balance between masculinity, strength, and vulnerability as a father
✔️ How the social media “alpha male” narrative often misses the bigger picture
This episode is a must-listen for dads (and moms) who want to raise emotionally secure, confident kids while maintaining a strong and healthy relationship. If you’ve ever felt weird about hugging or kissing your spouse in front of your children—this one’s for you.
🎧 Tune in, reflect, and then go hug your wife and kids.
#Parenting #Fatherhood #Marriage #DadLife #RaisingKids #Masculinity #AlphaMaleMyth #EmotionalIntelligence
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All right, welcome to the show everyone. Hope you're having a fantastic day, having a good week. Hope that february is going well for you. We're this close to just popping into march. It the year is flying by so fast, fucking nuts.
Speaker 1:So, uh, I had an episode that I was gonna do. I actually started recording Pretty much most of it and just decided Fuck it, I do not like this. I don't like the direction it's going. I didn't plan it out well enough. It's a more nuanced conversation that I need to really plan out and have a good structure, or else it's going to sound like I'm going in circles. So I decided to scrap that and just do one that actually came to mind over Valentine's Day, and I think it might be a little bit of a shorter episode. That's Day, and I think it might be a little bit of a shorter episode. That's fine.
Speaker 1:I think that this is an important one to talk about, and so it was actually something that was brought up by my son, my older son, the five-year-old. The two-year-old doesn't give a shit about anything except ball and bluey and tackling people and chocolate cookies, basically. So my five and a half year old. When we put him down, we talked to him about what was good during the day, what was bad during the day and what made him sad, just kind of talking about how his day went and trying to get him to interact with us and reflect on things during the day. And this was during the Valentine, valentine day weekend, and my wife was laying down with him, did her prayers and he was going over this stuff. And one of the things he said that he really appreciated was that mom and dad like each other and he said that he likes that mom and dad, you know, give each other hugs and kiss each other and show affection to each other. And it was just, it was kind of a an interesting, interesting thing to reflect on, because you know me and my wife, we love each other and I'm not like the biggest person who's into like PDA, like I'm not walking around groping my wife in front of my kids. It's not like Drax from Guardians of the Galaxy who talks about you know how it was a story in his house when how he was conceived.
Speaker 1:We're not that type of family but we are. We're pretty open, right. I do hug my wife, I say I love you, I give her a kiss, we're not afraid to have conversations in front of the kids about us liking each other, about the fact that we're husband and wife on top of being mom and dad, and so I thought that I would take this episode to discuss why I think that that's. Actually it made me feel good, that that's something that my son feels good about, that he likes to see that his mom and dad like each other and go into a little bit more of like the deeper meaning on that, because I definitely know within my household it wasn't a common thing to see affection between my mom and dad and that could just be a generational thing. I think that a lot of parents from older generations didn't think it was appropriate for kids to see that mom and dad liked each other, that mom and dad were buried to each other.
Speaker 1:It's almost like mom and dad were just this, being this entity that's there to take care of the kids, and a lot of times it's really easy to fall into that trap. Right, I've done it before, me and my wife. We've fallen into our little trenches and just kind of gone down in the same direction. We get busy with work, we get busy with taking the kids to all the different practices. They've got getting the kids bathed, getting them in bed. One of them's got a fever.
Speaker 1:There's so much shit that gets in the way of actually liking or hanging out or spending quality time with your spouse that it's understandable, that it almost becomes like a business type relationship. And for me personally, if me and my wife aren't in a good space even though I'm, you know, I'm attracted to my wife, I love my wife. But if we had a fight or there's something that's bugging me or something's kind of just eaten at the back of my head that is between the two of us, I notice that I'm less affectionate, that I don't want to spend time with her or that I don't wanna like show that affection to her in front of the kids. There's something that's subconsciously holding me back a lot of the times and it's because I don't feel like we're in that good spot. And so when we're more affectionate around the kids, it's not only feels good to me and probably feels good to my wife, because it feels like me and her in a good mental spot, a good emotional spot, but it probably feels really good to the kids too, because they feel safe in in this environment, whenever my mom and dad would fight. Or you know, whenever we fight, my wife and, uh, myself, the kids they know something's going on and myself, the kids they know something's going on. They feel the tension, they feel all the emotions bubbling up and with us, luckily, it's not like big blowups.
Speaker 1:But when I was growing up, there were big blowups, there were big blowup fights that would result in screaming, yelling, stuff like that, and in those moments I just remember that we would cry, we would feel unsafe and it was a terrible time. We didn't like it, and I think that this is something that's good for all parents to remember. I'm not here to dog on you. If you've gotten entrenched in these business model type things of you know we need to get shit done. I got to take the kids there. I'm pissed off at my husband because he said he was going to do something six months ago and he still hasn't fucking done it. Like, all of these things can be true and we're going to go through ups and downs in our relationships. There's going to be good times, there's going to be bad times, but I think the goal is to try and be in a state of where you and your wife are constantly in a good state of connection, because it's not only going to be good for you and your spouse, but it's also going to be good for the kids.
Speaker 1:The kids can feel that connection. The kids can see that mom and dad love each other. And when mom and dad love each other, if you think of it on like an evolutionary perspective, I see mom and dad. They love each other, they kiss each other, they hug each other, they are affectionate. They're a solid unit that means that they're there to provide support for us. There's not this like outside tension or this threat of them splitting and then us losing our protective cocoon, our protective environment, because mom and dad are not just dealing with us or our safety or work or whatever. They're also dealing with the fact that they're struggling internally with each other. And there's a lot of other things can come into play with that as well.
Speaker 1:Obviously, if you really, if your relationship really degrades into a place to where you're fighting with each other, you're using the kids as weapons or you're screaming, yelling all of these things, it's going to create a very dysregulating environment for your kids and it's going to be hard for them growing up, and they may have to grow up a little bit faster in order to put up like these protective barriers for themselves. So it was just something that came up organically, with my son saying that he really likes the fact that mom and dad love each other, that we like each other, that we hug each other, that we kiss each other, because to him that's safety. That means that he's got a safe, stable foundation with mom and dad. He doesn't have to. He's got so many other things to worry about in this world as his brain is developing and he's learning new things social skills, friends. At school One of his friends called him a doo-doo head. One of his friends says he's not his friend anymore. He's learning how to read, write.
Speaker 1:There's so many changes neurologically and emotionally and socially that are going on with this kid at five and a half years old. The one thing that he shouldn't have to worry about is our mom and dad. Ok, our mom and dad going to split our mom and dad? Am I going to be without one of those parents? And having both parents is extremely important, and this is not to dog on single moms or single dads. Like you, do the best with what you can, but if you have an ideal environment, having a solid mom and a solid dad presence in the household. It's absolutely amazing for the kids. It's good for the kids to have both perspectives. You've got, if you've got, two level heads, two logical heads that think differently, that are two completely different people and think about things in different ways, they're going to bring so much into that relationship and you're going to have this balancing act that works out between the kids and the parents and I just think that it's important.
Speaker 1:I guess if I had a point in all of this, it's just it's important to be good with your spouse, to be in a good spot with them, to love them, to show that you love them, to create this environment of love in the house, because not only does it help create this environment of safety, but our family also, when I was growing up, was not big on like I love you and all the like, lovey, dodovey shit that goes on with a lot of households. We weren't necessarily that family, but I want that for my family, like I want my kids to feel comfortable to tell me that they love me, to give me a hug, to give me a kiss, to give their mom a kiss, to tell them that they love them. I want them to feel safe and not weird or have these like weird psychological or subconscious holdups on showing affection or showing love. I don't want that to be a thing that they struggle with because I know thately horse shit that I didn't have growing up and I say horse shit, you know, tongue in cheek. This is all stuff I want my kids to have. I don't want them to feel the same way that I did and I don't feel that way with them now. I'm not afraid to show my kids affection and I'm not afraid to show my wife connection. But there was a time in my life when I was a younger skinnier probably less handsome because I'm aging like fine wine man that showing public displays of affection or showing that love or that softer side of me was hard, was difficult. I couldn't do it and I don't want my kids to have to even struggle with that. I just want them to have it from day one to be where I'm at right now. I'm like at the base level of being able to show this shit. I want my kids to start off here and then be able to grow exponentially from there.
Speaker 1:One of the things that I'm thinking about as well is like. The episode I was going to do was about this weird social media surge of like the alpha male type shit, and just something that I was thinking about that ties in with this is that not only I'm a relatively masculine man not a toxic alpha male or whatever the fuck you would call it, but someone who has strong masculine tendencies I'm. I value strength and being able to protect my family and all of these different things, but something that popped up was you know this social media guy who was talking about you need to be strong for your kids, who can protect them, and you know there's predators in the world and you need to be physically imposing and to keep your kids safe, and I agree with that to a certain extent, but I think one of the things that we forget is that the men of old would do that. That was like the old school dad is keep kids and family physically safe, and I think that that's still a good focus, but you need to be able to incorporate that. You need to be able to keep your kids emotionally safe as well. You need to be able to have that emotional intelligence and make sure that your kids not only feel physically safe in your presence, but that they also feel emotionally safe in your presence. They don't feel afraid of you or afraid to come to you with the things that they're dealing with, that they're not afraid to tell you when they fail or when they're scared or any of those other things. And I've touched upon it in other episodes.
Speaker 1:But I think that it's a big focus of mine to make sure that my family and that my kids feel both physically and emotionally safe in my presence. And the only way that I can do that is by learning to not only show my strength, to show that hardness, but to also show the vulnerability to my kids, show vulnerability to my family, to show them the softer side of me that I don't necessarily want the world to see, because I'm always trying to kind of create this shield for them, protect them from the hardships of the world or some of the things, not protect them from everything. Right, everything in moderation. And I do need to expose my kids. I can't protect them from everything, but, especially when they're young, you want to keep your family safe, but don't forget to embrace the vulnerability and show them that they can be emotionally safe in your presence as well and, yeah, this all kind of came from, like I said, the fact that my five-year-old likes seeing mom and dad hug and kiss because it makes him feel good, makes him feel like he's in a family, which he is. He is in a family. We're a strong family and we're going to, you know, we're going to try and make sure that we do the best for our family and do what we were put on this earth to do right To make strong, kind, compassionate and good little human beings that get to continue on this legacy of us.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, if you've got some weird hangups about hugging and kissing your spouse, your wife, in front of your kids, get over it. Who gives a shit? Give your wife a hug, give your wife a kiss. Tell her you love her. Give your kids hugs, give your kids kisses. Tell them that you love them, that you're proud of them. You don't want to be that dad who's so fucking stoic it doesn't tell your kids anything or doesn't tell your wife anything, and then you get to your deathbed one day and you're like I wish I could have told people this shit. This is, this is your call to action right now. Your time has come. The time is now. It's not when you're fucking laying in your bed dying of a heart attack or old age or whatever the fuck it is. It's right now. Hug your wife, hug your kids, tell them you love them, tell them that you will do anything for them, show them that you are what they need and what they deserve, and that's it. I'll get off my high horse now regarding you going out there and making sure you show that your family affection and that you get over any hiccups that you might have. But these are just some things that popped up with me and I wanted to kind of end on. Uh, it's interesting.
Speaker 1:There's a song that I've really liked for a long time, really bluesy southern type song. It's by a, an artist called uncle lu Lucius, and it's called Keep the Wolves Away, but there's just some lyrics in there that really stand out to me. It's like a story essentially, and it goes through and I don't know. It ties in with the wanting to be emotionally and physically strong for your kids and essentially it follows this family that's blue collar, working in. It sounds like the refineries down in the gulf of mexico and the dad works overtime and it's all about keeping the wolves away and um the idea of the wolves away.
Speaker 1:There's a couple of different instances that that's used. It's the the refrain of the song, but it's not only in the beginning part. It's like keeping the wolves away was like going working overtime, making money to keep food on the table, to keep bill collectors away, like essentially the dad was going out there and doing what he had to do to keep those wolves away. And the second part of the song the dad gets poisoned and they talk about like corporate bullshit and how he was purposely injured on the job and they talk about keeping the wolves away again. But it's the dad fighting for his life to keep the wolves away. It's like death is circling and he's fighting to keep those wolves away in order to be there for his family. You know, be there for his family. And then at the end of the song it transitions to where the singer acknowledges that his dad has done all of these things throughout his life to keep whatever the wolves are. You know, like I said, it's symbolic. It can be a multitude of different things, but at the end of the song the son takes over and says now it's his time to keep the wolves away from his family, and so there's just something about that.
Speaker 1:I don't know that, um, that symbolism, that that that picture of having different things come out through your life that are wolves in in your job as a father or as a mother or you know, just a parent in general is to to keep the away, and you need to fight like hell to do it, because there are things in this world that suck, there are things that are gonna try and bring you down, and it doesn't mean that you need to always be hard or whatever, like I just talked about. But I don't know. There's just something about that image of the parent, of the dad keeping the wolves away for his family, doing whatever he can for them, and I think that the old school dad would just talk about physically keeping the wolves away. But I think now, like me as a father, one of the things of keeping the wolves away is like keeping my own inner demons away. I can be the wolves in all reality. I can be the one who's bringing the hardships. My own mental dysregulation can be the one bringing the hardships. So, yeah, I just wanted to throw that out there. Go listen to it. It's a great song, especially if you like bluesy rock it's awesome. It's a slower one, more emotional. Lucy Rock it's awesome, it's a slower one, more emotional, sentimental, I think. But there's just something about the way that he paints the picture that really resonates with me. You can interpret it in any way that you can, but as a father, I think of it as being the one who keeps the physical wolves away and the emotional wolves away, and someone who can be there to be a stabilizing force in my kids and also in my wife's life, someone who's there for everyone in my family and really trying to be the best version of me that I can be. But I think that that's probably going to do it, for this week's episode Kind of went in a few different directions there.
Speaker 1:I've got ADHD, like I say. In pretty much most of these episodes I am all over the place and my mind goes in weird directions. So hopefully you were able to pick a few things out of this that were beneficial to you. But yeah, if there's anything that you would like me to talk about or you want to hear my ideas or thoughts on it, please use the little send me message function, let me know. And then also, if you are listening, you enjoy the podcast. I would appreciate if you you know, share it with someone, share it with someone that you think might benefit from listening to this episode or previous episodes, or who would enjoy it listening to this episode or previous episodes, or who would enjoy it. And if you haven't already subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, leave me a review. Let me know if it's good, let me know if it's shit. One way or the other, I'd like to know. But that's going to do it for this week's episode. Hope you all have a fantastic week and I'll see you next week.
