The Unhinged Father
Welcome to The Unhinged Father (TUF), a podcast that brings a relatable and unapologetic look at the challenges of modern fatherhood and life as a millennial dad. Each week, we dive into the ups and downs of parenting, personal growth, and navigating a world that sometimes feels like it’s lost its way. This is a space for young dads, parents, and anyone on a path of self-improvement who wants to hear real talk about life’s struggles, triumphs, and everything in between.
As your host, I’m on this journey alongside you. Sharing ideas, life tips, humor, and even some unfiltered takes, we’ll confront societal expectations, challenge common beliefs, and tackle issues affecting everyday families and young men. Here, it’s okay not to have everything figured out—whether you’re a step ahead or behind, we’re all in this together.
Tune in for honest, irreverent conversations on personal development, fatherhood, parenting, mental resilience, and staying grounded in a world of extremes. Expect episodes filled with humor, empathy, practical wisdom, and a sense of community for anyone striving to be a better version of themselves.
TUF is where personal growth, dad life, and real-world challenges intersect. Join the conversation, embrace the journey, and let’s navigate the unhinged side of fatherhood and modern life together.
The Unhinged Father
Parenting in Isolation: The Pandemic's Lingering Impact
In this episode of The Unhinged Father, we dive deep into the lasting effects of the COVID-19 lockdowns and how they shaped modern parenting, social interactions, and mental well-being. As a new dad in March 2020, I found myself navigating not just fatherhood but also a world shutting down around me. Now, years later, I question—have I (or any of us) truly recovered?
From the rise of remote work and social distancing to the struggle of rebuilding community and in-person connections, this episode unpacks the unintended consequences of the pandemic. We discuss how fear-driven messaging, isolation, and a shift toward a more digital society have changed the way we interact, parent, and view the world.
Are we more disconnected than ever? Has social anxiety become the new norm? And how do we break free from the comfort zone of isolation to reclaim real human interaction?
Tune in for an honest, unfiltered take on how the pandemic reshaped our lives—and what we can do to move forward.
#Fatherhood #ParentingPodcast #MillennialDad #PandemicEffects #MentalHealth #SocialAnxiety #COVID19 #PersonalGrowth
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Welcome to the show everyone. Hope everyone's having a fantastic day, having a good February so far, that your year's off to a good start and hopefully you're sticking to your New Year's resolutions a little bit better than I've been. I said when I started doing these episodes again back in the beginning of January that I would be planning them out and really digging in and making sure that I have a cohesive episode episode. Basically, that I'd have a plan, go along that plan, get my ideas out, and I have not done that whatsoever. Today is even worse Because I didn't have water for most of the day. They are doing construction on my street, so no water, no showers, no using the restroom, all that good stuff. So and I've also got to pick up my son today A little miscommunication with the grandparents. So I think I've got a good episode planned for you. Hopefully y'all can bear with me and hopefully we go in a relatively straight line down this one.
Speaker 1:But something that's kind of popped up as we were about to hit March and I can remember in March of 2020, I had been a dad for roughly six months or so. Six, seven months was definitely in the thick of it, learning what I needed to do. We had gone through a couple of transitions, some big transitions in our life, and I basically had to get my shit together. I wasn't the dad that I wanted to be when I first started the fatherhood journey. I wasn't the husband that my wife needed or that she deserved, and there were a lot of things about me that I needed to kind of look within and make changes on. And March 2020 rolls around, and if you are over the age of what 15, 16, 17 years old you know what happened. Then, right, covid-19 comes around.
Speaker 1:The pandemic shut down for two weeks to stop the spread was the verbiage that we were given. That's what we were told by the government. And a couple of years later, we were still in lockdown. People had masks on their face. All this stuff and this episode isn't to dive into the politics of it episode isn't to dive into the politics of it.
Speaker 1:I will say that when it first started, I was not a big fan of the lockdowns. I wasn't a fan of giving the government more power and the ability to lock down us, lock down businesses, to do basically carte blanche, whatever the fuck they wanted to do. That was something that I was completely against and also I didn't like the fact that fear was what was driving everyone. It was like you should be afraid. Be afraid of this. This is going to kill you, it's going to kill your grandparents, and if you're not fearful, then you are essentially killing other people as well. It was a real weird, sick and twisted time and I think that most people have moved on from that right. We're now a couple years out of the pandemic, out of the lockdowns. I don't really see masks anymore. I don't see people living in fear or hiding or cowering, which is a good thing, but I don't think that I've truly recovered from the effects of the lockdowns and I don't think I've truly recovered from what that pandemic, what it was.
Speaker 1:I was at a transitional period in my life of becoming a new dad and having this new life that I was responsible for caring about, but also thinking about things for for him, what I needed to do for him, what was best for my son, not just like what's going to keep me alive or what's going to be best for me or my wife. I had a new, brand new life form that I was completely responsible for, the help of my wife, for keeping alive, and this is typically a time in parents' lives or in people's lives, where they don't necessarily go within right. They don't necessarily close everyone off. This is a time in your life when you need the most support and the most help, when you're not getting any fucking sleep and when you don't know what the hell is going on. You don't know what the fuck you're doing. This is a time that you should be relying on grandparents, friends, aunts, uncles, family members, anyone, anyone that can help you. You should be relying on them for help, for advice, for knowledge, so that way you can be the best parent that you can possibly be, and also make sure that you're taking care of yourself as well.
Speaker 1:Well, for me it was like the complete opposite. We all shut down Everything, shut down, don't go see people, don't go to restaurants. And then once we started like opening things back up, it was like make sure that you're wearing a mask, make sure your kids are wearing masks. I remember when my kid was two and he went to daycare, they wanted him to wear a mask. I'm like dude, there's no way that's going to fucking happen. The kid's going to rip it off.
Speaker 1:And also, you know, there were a lot of unintended consequences that came along with the fact that everyone was wearing masks, that we were not being social. It's the rise of the Zoom generation, and I really do think you know social media was going to be this huge thing in the future anyway. But the COVID lockdowns really propelled technology to the forefront of everyone's life. You had distance learning, zoom, microsoft Teams, like everything really came into play during this time and there were some benefits to that. Right, I think that a lot of companies realized that you could have people work more of like a hybrid basis and have a little bit more of a work-life balance. But also you had this fuzzy line now that exists for people who work fully, remote or even hybrid, of trying to separate their personal life from their work life. Right, if you're working from home constantly, where do you draw that line between being at work and being at home?
Speaker 1:And there's a lot of different things, a lot of feelings that I have about this, a lot of thoughts that I have about it. But for me personally, I just don't think that I've truly recovered fully from it, because I used to be a very outgoing person. I was, I've always had resting bitch face, and people say that when they meet me they're a little intimidated, or I can be intimidating because I'm really intense. But once you get to know me super nice person, very welcoming, enjoy other people's company. I am a little bit of someone who says whatever the hell's on his mind and I can get on people's nerves and say stuff that's abrasive and brash and not always people's favorite. But in general even people who disagree with me get along with me well, because it's never in a hateful way that I have these conversations.
Speaker 1:But since the pandemic and since I've gone through these lockdowns I've become much more cautious and skeptical of other people and haven't really gotten back out into being a personal person of going out and talking to neighbors or having random conversations or inviting people into our home and having people over for barbecues. There's a lot of things that I don't do, that I used to do quite a bit of that I used to. I used to be someone who would host. I'd want to have, if you know, now my kid's older, have families come over, have them come over for a barbecue, drink beer with them, drink wine with them, have fun, let the kids have fun. That's all stuff. That's kind of fell by the wayside and I think part of it is that, like I said, I just haven't truly recovered from the mental I don't know if you want to call it lowercase T trauma or just the mental block that's came up, and I'm definitely still struggling with this and I think there are a lot of people who are struggling with it.
Speaker 1:It and now that we've become more of like a distant society with Zoom, I think there are a lot of hurdles in the way of having actual human interaction with other people and a lot of people or maybe not a lot of people, I don't know. This is like I said. This is all from the context of social media and seeing what people are posting, and just my own experience as well, but I do think that it's harder for people to be more social. It's almost more socially acceptable to be antisocial, which is fine in certain aspects, but we are social creatures. We should be interacting with each other outside of Zoom, outside of Microsoft team, outside of social media. Social media is not real. Instagram is not real. This podcast is, you know, it's still a virtual communication that I'm having with all of you. It's not an in-person, an in-person thing. We're not sitting down breaking bread, having fun, being able to interact with each other and really get to know each other on a personal level, and it's something that I think that we need to get back to as a society, especially parents.
Speaker 1:This is it's been really difficult on everyone, don't get me wrong. The lockdowns were brutal for everyone. I feel so bad for the kids that had the school shut down. They missed their senior year of football. They didn't get to go to prom, they didn't get to do any of the sports or any of those extracurriculars or anything they could have done, but they didn't get a chance to do. They didn't get to walk at their college graduation.
Speaker 1:There's so many things that people missed out on because we were locked down for so long and we were so within our own little worlds that I think a lot of us have gotten used to that and it's almost like a comfort zone now. It's like a safety zone for us, but, as a lot of us know, we don't grow within safety. Safety is not always the best thing for us. It's not. It's just a place that we can sit, think that we're safe, be in our little cocoon, our little comfort bubble, not grow, not become better people and, in all honesty, develop weird fucking mental illnesses and mental disorders and things like that.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of stuff that happens when you become isolated. I mean there's. There's a reason why in prison, you know, putting someone in isolation is seen as a punishment, because it can have a really messed up effect on the brain. And that's not to say that the lockdowns were that extreme, you know total lockdown for 24, seven, not having any human interaction whatsoever, just four walls to look at. At least it wasn't for me, but there might be people who did have that in their lives, who were in that type of situation, and I think that it had a big impact on everyone but parents. A huge impact Because we were being told to be afraid, be afraid for our kids, be afraid for our grandparents, and to follow all these rules and restrictions and not get help from grandparents, not go see sick grandparents, not go see friends or family, not have any of that help. Right, you were basically just relying on yourself.
Speaker 1:For me and my wife, it was us, us against the world, which I like for certain things, but not for everything. And maybe I say I like it now because that's just my pride coming through and I really do wish that I was able to rely on more people, that I had a bigger network, and this isn't to say that everyone falls into this bucket. This could be just certain things that I struggle with, and if that's the case, let me know. Maybe it's just me being me and I fell into this trap and I'm not necessarily pulling myself out of it, but I would venture to guess that there are other people who are struggling just like me in a lot of these same areas of their lives, in a time when parents should be teaching their kids how to socialize and getting out, making friends, making connections, getting help. We weren't able to do that and I think that we're moving down a path that, hopefully, is better. But even as we move out of COVID, it's almost like the lockdowns are ending, the pandemic is over. All this stuff right.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of things coming out about how it wasn't necessarily the best for us. There's a lot of unintended consequences. Your kids weren't being socialized appropriately Teachers wearing masks, they couldn't see people speaking when they were actually being taught, and so that has an impact on how your kids are being. You know are actually learning the material. There are a lot of different things that happened. We were teaching kids to be fearful of other people. That's one of the sick things about this. Is that? What should I be afraid of? It's like other people, other people that are sick. They're going to get you sick and you're going to die. We were teaching people our kids to be fearful and to live in fear and to lock themselves inside their house. And I mean I went along with it. I went along with a lot of it. I did complain, I bitched and moaned quite a bit to my wife. She was really tired. Part of the reason I started this podcast is because my wife was sick and tired of hearing me bitch and moan about stuff like this all the time and she said start a podcast. And other people said start a podcast so we don't have to listen to your shit.
Speaker 1:But even though we've gotten past it, like I was saying, we've moved out of the pandemic. It's almost like we've taken on a new pandemic in the galvanization of the polarization of our society with politics. It's almost like you chose a side. Were you the go-getter pandemic, save everyone. Like yeah, let's lock this shit down. Were you the I don't give a shit. If anyone dies, it's my body, my choice or I'm not getting the vaccine, or big farm is out to get everyone, or were you someone more in the middle where it's like, yeah, now people are dying and this is a disease and there are certain steps we should be taking to help mitigate that?
Speaker 1:But at the same time, I don't want to live my life in fear of essentially everything. I can't stop everything in this world, and so I shouldn't try to stop everything in this world, only the things that I can control and have an impact on. So now we've gotten past it. We're now in this polarized world left right, trump, kamala, republican, democrat, couple of you, green party and wigs out there. We're now in this polarized society that is really kind of still separating and dividing and keeping everyone apart, just like the pandemic did. We've traded that in and we trade the lockdowns in for, oh, you voted for Trump. I don't want to talk to your family. You suck, or you voted for Kamala. You must be an idiot. I don't want to talk to you.
Speaker 1:It seems like it's a perpetual division that's constantly coming up in my life and you know, I don't know where I really wanted to go with this episode besides just venting out a little bit that, the things that I'm feeling as a dad, as a man, as a just a human being who lived through the pandemic like you all. You know we all survived the pandemic or at least, if you're listening to this, you survived the pandemic. I'm just venting about how I think it had a long lasting impact on me, how it's still affecting me right now, and part of that is because I'm letting it do that. But I do think that there are certain parts of my brain that were really twisted and turn and broken that I haven't been able to fix yet. Maybe it's because I haven't reflected on it, haven't thought about it and tried to find ways to fix it. But I do think that I'm a much different person now. Some of them are good ways, some of the reflection I did, some of that looking internally, some of that being relying on myself. That was a good thing.
Speaker 1:But I do think I'm much more skeptical of other people, much more keeping people at distance, not wanting to rely on anyone else, not really trusting anyone else, not wanting to rely on anyone else, not really trusting anyone else and that's had a negative impact on me, because I am a very social person who likes to be around other people. I like to host, I like to be hospitable, I like to do nice things for people I like to. I want to be the one who has all the kids in the neighborhood. Come to our house and, you know, play with our kids at our house and, you know, do fun things like. That's what I envision kids in the neighborhood come to our house and play with our kids at our house and do fun things. That's what I envision myself in the future.
Speaker 1:And I do think that there are a lot of things that have changed about me, that have taken me away from that type of person, and I can reflect, I can look forward and I can try to make those changes. But yeah, I think there were a lot of unintended consequences that happened, or maybe intended consequences that happened from locking people down, from being in a state of constant fear. Yeah, there are a lot of things, a lot of things that happened and I guess I'm just saying how I feel, saying how it's affected me and I'm sure that it's affected other people and, like I said, if I'm wrong, if you're like, no, it hasn't had an impact on me, didn't affect me that way, like that's great. I'm glad that it didn't. I do think there are people that this had a big impact on.
Speaker 1:I think it's time to kind of come to that realization, air it out, vent about it, process it and then move forward and get back to the people that we want to be. And I'm talking to myself, because I'm the one who needs to do that. I need to process it, I need to figure out what changed in my mind that made me more of like a reclusive hermit and not going out there, not being the social person that I was made to be, not being the leader that I was made to be, not being interacting with other people and caring as much as I used to. So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to go ahead and focus on me, try to move past it and try and be the person that I want to be. Try and be the person that God made me to be. Try and work on my strengths, acknowledge my weaknesses and be someone who actually makes an impact in the world Not just with my kids, but make an impact in the world. I think that's ultimately what all of us want.
Speaker 1:We all want meaning, and I think I'm at a point in my life where I'm kind of struggling with. I knew who I was and I still know who I am, but what's my meaning, what's my purpose? Where should I be going next? And I'm not 100% sure. Hopefully I'll figure it out. Maybe by talking on this podcast I'll figure out where I'm meant to be, where I can make the biggest difference in the world. But that's going to really do it for this episode. Really, all over the place Don't know what the point was. I think this was more of just event session. Some of them have been like that lately. You know, if you feel the same way, send me a message, let me know your thoughts and other than that, I hope everyone has a good rest of the day. Have a great weekend and I will see y'all next week.
