Put the Phone Down: Parenting in the Age of Viral Culture

Caught in the whirlwind of parental conflict, a child's emotional safety hangs in the balance. Reflecting on a viral video that captures the heart-wrenching scene of a young boy torn between his feuding parents, I dive into the responsibilities we hold as guardians to shield our children from such chaos. This episode brings to light the grave impact these disputes can have on a child's development, highlighting the necessity for a stable, supportive foundation no matter the personal disagreements between adults. Through heartfelt reflections, I aim to raise awareness on how preventing children from bearing the brunt of adult conflicts can stave off emotional turmoil and long-lasting damage.

On a different note, we explore the modern conundrum of living life through a smartphone lens versus truly connecting with our children. Drawing from personal anecdotes, I share my strategy for balancing the urge to document every moment for social media with the need to be present with my kids. It's a delicate dance between capturing memories and fostering authentic interactions, and our children teach us invaluable lessons on being present in the moment. This episode encourages mindfulness in our digital habits, urging parents to prioritize genuine connections with their children over the allure of digital distractions.

We discuss:

• The emotional toll of using kids as pawns in parental conflicts
• Why documenting everything for social media is harmfuf
• How to balance capturing family memories without missing the moment
• The importance of being a stable, present parent

🎧 Listen now and share your thoughts!

Chapters

• 0:00 Parental Conflict and Child's Emotional Safety
• 10:45 Living Through the Lens

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:34

All right, everyone, welcome to the show. Hope you're having a good day, having a good week. Hope 2025 is off to a good start. We're already, through January into February, got a good episode for you today. Hopefully, let's go ahead and jump on in.

Speaker 1: 0:48

So today what I wanted to talk about was actually something that I saw on social media, a video that I saw. In it, it brought up a lot of things for me, a lot of feelings, and kind of made me angry, upset, and so I just wanted to take this time to hash through it and then kind of work through a little bit of a bigger issue that I see within society that this video sparked within me or that I saw within this video. So first I'm just going to kind of describe what the video is, what happened, and then go into kind of some of the deeper meanings that I see within it happen, and then go into kind of some of the deeper meanings that I see within it. But anyways, this video I saw was on some like dad advocacy Instagram page, something like that, and I think that the it was a mom hauling away a kid, probably seven, eight years old, and the kid was just crying, bawling his head off and the dad was following, filming the incident and essentially saying let me take my son. And the mom was like non-responsive, just pulling the kid along and the kid is crying and obviously you can tell that the mom and dad are just going through some absolute shit probably divorced or going through a divorce, whatever it is. But this kid the look on his face was just absolute horror, despair, all of those shitty emotions that come along with the fact that your parents can't control themselves. Essentially, they're acting like fucking idiots.

Speaker 1: 2:10

That being said, when I was watching the video, this page was projecting it like the dad was in the right. He was fighting for his son and trying to get his son to be with him and being a good dad. And when I looked at the video, when I watched it, I was just like both of these parents are completely in the wrong. Both parents are acting like complete fools, complete idiots. And the fact that it's being videotaped and this kid is just being projected over the internet for thousands of people to see, maybe even millions of people to see, it's just absolutely disgusting to me. It was terrible. I didn't like seeing it. It made me absolutely pissed off and wanted to just go in there and fucking bitch slap both parents and be like what the fuck are you doing?

Speaker 1: 2:52

Now I kind of get the sentiment that they were going for in terms of like, hey, this is a father who wants to be with his son. Like, hey, this is a father who wants to be with his son, this is a father who wants to be in his kid's life, which is not completely different from what it's been in the past. But in the past, if there's typically a parent who's not around or not in the picture, it's typically the dad who's able to just kind of pick up and be like peace, I'm out. And they were showing like this dad, hey, I want to be with my kid, I want to be present with my son, I want him with me. But when I was watching it, especially the fact that he was videotaping all of this I don't know all of the circumstances that go in this. Maybe there's some sort of legal issue that's going on here and he's trying to collect evidence, but whatever it is, the fact that this was videotaped and he's sitting there holding his phone, chasing down his kid, his kid's crying it's just absolute chaos and in putting myself in the kid's shoes. I would be like what the fuck is going on? The two people that I rely on to be stable forces in my life are going at each other's throats, taking videos of each other saying nasty stuff, using me as a weapon. It would be so dysregulating and so terrible that I mean, if that kid grows up and doesn't have any issues, that's a huge achievement. But I'm sure that there are going to be lingering effects that come along with this and to me, both parents are in the wrong on this one.

Speaker 1: 4:24

Our jobs as parents, regardless of what we're going through in life or regardless of what's going on between the parents, is to put, as I said before, a stable front, a stable foundation for our kids to grow, to learn to live, all of that stuff. We need to be that stable foundation for them. And if we let our relationship with our spouse, or if we can't stay in that relationship, luckily for me, I'll be the first to admit it. Luckily I have a good relationship with my wife. We are as stable as you could potentially be, at least in my opinion. Obviously we fight, obviously we bicker and we argue in front of the kids and stuff like that, but never anything crazy. Never any cursing or yelling or screaming or anything to this extent.

Speaker 1: 5:18

But even if we were in a situation where we weren't in the best spot, or even if we got theoretically got to a point where we were going to be going through a divorce, I just couldn't imagine having that much vitriol and that much anger and allowing my emotions to take over so much to where I get in like a screaming match with my kid in public, with people around trying to pull them back, pulling my video camera out, videotaping it, saying nasty stuff. I just couldn't imagine myself doing that or my wife doing it and it's not a good. It's not a good thing for our kids to do that. We need to be that stability. We need to be that rock for our kids and make sure that we are putting on. It's not like a front. It's not like you have to just sit there and hold everything in and not let them see your emotion.

Speaker 1: 6:09

But to a certain extent you need to keep your shit together for your kids' sake. They're not old enough to don't hold onto your shit, right? That's for you to take care of. You need to be the one to take care of your own emotional dysregulation, your own relationships, all of that stuff. That's your responsibility. You need to take care of that, not your kid. Don't put it on your kid's plate. Don't dump that off on them. It's not their responsibility. They shouldn't be carrying it. They shouldn't. You know. They can know that you have issues, that you have mental health issues or that you're struggling with something, or that it's not always like you're Superman, but at the end of the day, they shouldn't be the ones that are trying to help you move forward with your life. They shouldn't be the ones carrying that and they shouldn't have to have that baggage in their life. We have a responsibility to our kids, not only for their physical safety but their emotional safety as well, and part of that is providing that safe, stable environment for them to live in and to not have to worry about their parents being off their fucking rocker or yelling or screaming or getting in fights or using the kids as weapons against the other parent, especially in an environment where maybe the parents don't get along or they're going through a divorce.

Speaker 1: 7:23

Weaponizing your children is a, in my opinion, just an absolutely disgusting act and not something that I that I stand for. Not that I've seen it in in real life. Right, I've seen it on social media, but it's definitely not something that should be done, and and I know from experience that when children are used as weapons man, it's devastating not only to the other parent but also to the kid. And then to pull your camera out on top of all of this, that's kind of. The other thing I wanted to get to was. It seems like everyone has to pull their fucking camera out for anything that ever happens.

Speaker 1: 7:59

We're in the society now that's like a TikTok gotcha moment type of culture, where we're constantly pulling our phones out and recording everything, thinking that that's going to somehow protect us or insulate us, or that we might record something that's going to go viral and then we'll be able to utilize that to either make money or fuck someone over. I don't know what it is, but it seems like we live life through the lens of our camera phones. Now it happened in this video with this kid with his mom. The dad videotaped this whole encounter in public kids screaming. That's on the internet now for everyone to talk about, and then, of course, everyone's gonna have fucking comments and you've got both sides of the aisles plus the trolls. People are going to be like, oh yeah, the mom's justified the dad's piece of shit. And you've also got people who are like, oh, kids deserves it. Or stop being a little bitch, stop crying. You don't know what the fuck people are going to say on social media. Social media is just completely out there and I understand that. I'm doing a podcast right now and I also put posts out there and I also have my opinion and probably say some unchanged shit once in a while. But I typically try not to go on and attack people just for the sole purpose of attacking them or being a little bitch or troll.

Speaker 1: 9:14

But I've also seen in other moments not in stuff like this the phone is pulled out and the camera is pulled out in a lot of other areas where parents should be parents, where they shouldn't just be recording shit. You know their kid is pulling out a bunch of their parents' clothes and like, oh, my kid is constantly doing this. I got such a mess to pick up. It's like, dude, just put your phone down and stop your kid from pulling shit out. Or the ones that are. Even worse is when it's something dangerous, like the kid is going towards an open oven or they pull the knife out of the drawer and they're like, oh my gosh, my kid is like out of control, or they just this is what they do. It's like no, put your phone down and go be a fucking parent, go take care of it. Go tell your kid no, keep them safe. Don tell your kid no, keep them safe. Don't try to catch some fucking viral moment that you could post on your Instagram or your social media. It's just absolutely terrible and I get super pissed off about it, because the people who ultimately suffer from this type of behavior are the kids. What happens if you don't get to them in time because you're trying to fucking record them? Right, maybe they grab a knife and they don't cut themselves, but what if they do? Or what if they fucking touch a hot oven or any of those things? And, on top of that, like they're learning that if they do these things that are not necessarily safe or right, and mom and dad just pull out their phone and think it's funny, they're going to keep on doing that shit and it's going to have a huge negative impact when they get older. Anyways, those are just my thoughts on some of this.

Speaker 1: 10:46

This is a shorter episode this week just because I've been very busy with a lot of other things and haven't had the time to sit down and plan stuff out, but I just had these thoughts on the gotcha moments the parents that drag their kids into their own fucking emotional bullshit and the parents who are constantly pulling their phone out and living in this social media driven world that we all are kind of a part of. Now I'm a part of that ecosystem. I'm on Instagram, obviously. I saw this video. That's what prompted this entire conversation is the fact that I saw this video. That's what prompted this entire conversation. Is the fact that I saw this video and I had an emotional reaction to it, and I guess I'm someone who will pull my camera out when my kids are doing something cute or when my kids are doing whatever it is right.

Speaker 1: 11:34

I like to take pictures or like little videos when I can, so that way I have it in the future. It's not to post on social media, it's not for likes, it's not for any of that shit. It's for me, for my family, for the kids when they're a little bit older, so I can show them this stuff, but I've never had it where they've been doing something dangerous or not doing something right, like you know, going around and throwing shit out all over the place or fucking banging their head on the side of the wall or cussing or whatever, throwing a temper tantrum right. I never record that kind of stuff because when it comes to that kind of stuff, I need to set down my phone and be a parent, sit down, talk to them, explain to them, be a parent and then move forward.

Speaker 1: 12:18

I I don't like the fact that sometimes I live some of the events in my life through my phone. It's really kind of a catch-22 for me, because I do enjoy having photos and videos that I could look back on, but at the same time like when my kids are opening Christmas presents or when my kids are doing Easter or whatever it is like I'd much rather just watch them through my own eyes and be in the moment with them and help them open presents or find Easter eggs, instead of like holding my phone and following them around. And so now how I get around, that is, I do a couple minutes of video, a couple minutes of like photos and stuff like that, and then the phone goes away. I get to put it away, be present and be there for the remainder of the time. And is it perfect? No, I would love it if I could spend the entire time just present with them, but I also think that it would be really nice for them to be able to look back and see these home videos, see these photos, and we are blessed by the fact that we have these little, you know, perfect video cameras and cameras that we have with us constantly.

Speaker 1: 13:25

It's really, you know, it's a catch 22. There's some awesome opportunities by having that, but if you let it take over and you start to live your life through those lenses and you don't use your own eyes or, you know, be present in the moment, there's going to be big consequences for that, and I'm already starting to notice that, and I'm sure that as my kids get older, they're going to notice it more too. I definitely have them say mom, dad, put your phone down. Put your phone down, let's uh, let's play, let's do this. So that was more so like the bigger cultural shift that I've seen. But, yeah, a little bit of a different episode. No parenting advice in there, except for me just sitting here and telling you put the phone down, be a fucking parent. I'm sure you already are If you're listening to this podcast, that obviously means that you're an amazing parent and super mindful and you already know all of the answers, because you listen to me tell you each week what the answers are. But yeah, just something to be mindful of and to kind of think about.

Speaker 1: 14:30

And I don't know how we change society. I don't know how we change the whole gotcha moment or the whole. Everything has to be on video and I'm going to post it on social media. I'm going to post it on YouTube, trying to get likes, trying to monetize everything or hoping that you're the next big thing, based off of just some random thing. It's almost like spontaneity is dying because of how society is progressing forward, how we become this gotcha film, everything type of culture. We're losing the in the moment and actual spontaneous things that always pop up in our lives.

Speaker 1: 15:11

And it's like once you turn the camera on, it's different. I mean, my son's really good at it. Maybe my son's got the answer to it the two-year-old. Whenever he does something that's like super cute or funny or hilarious, as soon as we pull the camera out, he stops doing it. Every time he does something that's funny or hilarious, as soon as we pull the camera out. He stops doing it Every time he does something that's funny or that we want to like catch on camera for later in his life. He just stops doing it, walks towards us and tries to look at the camera. So maybe that's the answer is that kids just need to stop doing the shit that they do while we're recording and teach us parents a little lesson in terms of being present.

Speaker 1: 15:43

But that's going to be it for this week's episode. Like I said, a little bit of a different episode, not going to be a super long one. Let me know your thoughts. Let me know if you have any opinions on just the way that we live within the cameras now, while how we record everything and how we live our lives through the lens of our phone as opposed to living it in the moment with the people that we're with. You may be different. Maybe you're not like me, maybe you haven't been wrapped up in social media. Everyone's completely different. I'm just saying that I've noticed this a lot within my life with the people that I'm with and some of the other parents that I've been around. So that's going to be it. Hope you enjoyed the episode. I hope everyone has a fantastic rest of the week. Have a good weekend and I'll see y'all next week.